Note: this passage contains explict language. read on if you are above 18, or are accompanied by a parent. haha.. seriously.. dun be offended. just speaking my mind.. and now its abit.. full of eh.. colour words.. i'm not like shouting it.. its just the way it is..

^PaNiC^

Clear and simple.. thats how i freakin feel..
no bullshit.. no beating around the fucking bush..
i'm scared man.. and hell i'm not gonna deny it..!
I mean.. 5 pple todae told me not to worry..
They ALL they gave me the same..
"Oh.. its All over.. worrying won't change anything.. i'm sure score well wan"
speech.. and honestly i'm fuckin sick of that shit..
i don't think i'm gonna score well.. and they thinking i will
makes me feel even more pressure to do well..
hell i'll fucking feel scared and worried if i fucking want to..
i don't see them collecting A 'level results..
*sigh* i dun mean to be an asshole and bite their shit man..
i KNOW they are TRYING..
(note.. the TRYING..)
to make me feel better.. and they just care about me..
but.. Arghh.. its like they don't get it~..
It means sumthing for me to do weLL~..
I WANT it... *sigh* not that its gonna happen lar..
but i sure fucking hope a freakin miracle happens..
why do i get the feeling that...
i won't be getting any sleep tonight and tmr night..
Fuck man.. i need 2 drink...
i'm out..

ADDED:
its 3.40am.. and i'm up plunking on my guit..
actualli ended up writing a song after going out..
and i think the lyrics and tune are realli good..
shall not put it up.. it needs some work..
eh.. if you guys wanna see the lyrics..
tag the board.. and i guess i could put it up..
will try 2 go sleep now..

~Whacked~

Man.. A's are comin out~ !
seconds are ticking away till friday..
each time the beat of my heart growing faster and faster..
i'm fuckin trippin man.. its crazy.. i mean..
Whoa.. that was fast..
2 months sure sped by..
i ain't feel too good about it anyway..
hope i don't fuck up..
i gotta get out of the house man..
the tension is pretty tight..
its fuckin killin me..
OUtta Here~

ADDED:
Glad i got out of the house.. totally took my mind off it..
went 2 meet tris and sam to play lan.. and skate..
then we all went hm for dinner.. met later to go to the gym..
and go SWIMMING~! haha.. then we went to newton circus..
had a super Good supper~.. *drooL* i still want more..
followed by a nice walk home.
Oh~! yah 4got to mention that i bought a new cd Yesterdae~!
i got the new "thrice" album.. and its GooD~.. i'm a happi boy..
din get to listen 2 it last night.. was pretty tired..
so when i got back i locked myself in the room..
and kicked back to it..
so naturally, i'll end off with some lyrics from their new album~
Song's called.. Enjoi
"The Artist In The Ambulance"

"late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal
red light, can't stop so i spin the wheel
my world goes black before i feel an angel steal me from the
greedy jaws of death and chance, and pull me in with steady hands
they've given me a second chance, the artist in the ambulance"

NOt much words 2dae.. woke up felt sick..
played guitar.. went down 2 skate..
things picked up.. had a good laff..
went 2 town.. just chilled..
Its been a pretty good dae.. = P
here's a song.. enjoy..
its by incubus

"Sick Sad Little World"

"No, You're not the first to fall apart
But always the first one to complain
You better get careful or you'll compromise everything You are

The world is a joke when out of love
Please come back to us
You're all of the above
I'm making a choice to be out of touch
Leave me be he said

Leave me here in my stark craving sick sad little world
Leave me here in my stark craving sick sad little world

I've never had unpaid confidantes
It's more than I would care to explain
But I have an open door policy when it comes to blame

The world is a joke when out of love
Please come back to us
You're all of the above
I'm making a choice to be out of touch
Leave me be he said

Leave me here in my stark craving sick sad little world
Leave me here in my stark craving sick sad little world"

4.25Am

As you can guess,
Its.. about 4.25am.
and since i coulden't sleep
i thought i'd just jot down some thoughts..
Had some .. good skating todae..
did 50.50 down my first hubba.. wicked man..
felt damn fucking sweet~~...
hung out with my bro, brendon , tris and sam..
when it rained.. we went to jam @ sam's place..
we goofed arnd more than anything..
we played...
"she's so high", "Hold on","feeling this" & "megalomaniac"
then went 2 far east to have BK for dinner..
and we played some pool..
came back.. hung out at 7-11.. haha..
and got back pretty late..
*sigh*.. actualli besides all that..
i got a lil tense and i snapped at my mom..
but apologised and its all good now..
guess cuz i'm tired and.. emotionally confused..?
yah.. i'm kinda at a crossroad..
so its pretty draining..
and thoughts keep buzzing in my head..
yah thats it.. but i realli dun wanna deal with relationship stuff..
so a big fat mental block shoud do it.. = )
till next time...

"'cause i am due for a miracle
i'm waiting for a sign
i'll stare straight into the sun
and i won't close my eyes
'til i understand or go blind"
Thrice.Stare at the sun

Argh.. my aching head~

Oh sweet jesus..~ we hit zouk last night..~!
and had one of the fuckin experiences of my life..
Even NOW my stomach still feels a lil bit queasy..
yo keepin balance and walking now still ain't easY~ ..
*sigh* good god... i feel so fuckin lousy..~
Last night was worse~! cuz my head was bouncin..

(okay.. the i tried 2 rhyme the first part.. buT seriously.. )
it went down like this...
Me, Sam and tris went to zouk earli..
tix are cheaper then..
and so naturally we started drinking pretty earli too
couple of beers.. tequlia shots.. all the Works~
man i should haf watched myself...
then went out to grab a bite.. and once again..
we had bottles of "Hinekens" outside..
went back.. and zouk was havin their 1 for 1 special..
so we got 2 JUGs of long island tea.. man that was tight~..
man that shit is strong.. i was watching them make it..
and i was like... hold Up~... thats alot of alcohol man..~!
yah so we had ALot to drink.. too much if you ask me..
but i didn't think so last night.. cuz i didn't feel the alcohol.. yet..
Then headed 2 phuture~.. man.. the bar was packed..
and the music was good~ it ain't half bad..
met up with trina and nichole.. danced a lil..
realli was having a super good time.. they're great girls..
then me sam and tris went out for fresh air..
and then when i leaned on the wall and closed my eyes.. BooM...~
everything got dizzy... i coulden't sit up straight.. that was real nasty~..
all this coupled with me hurling my guts out non stop..
Argh~..! the taste of alcohol and stomach acid still lingers in my mouth..
coulden't walk... or move for that matter.. it was bad.. real bad..~
i have never been so wasted in my life.. and honestly..
i was pretty scared.. i mean thats some crazy shit man..
Cuz i was feeling REAlli sick...
If the guys wern't there keepin me company i would haf just
passed out there and then.. by the drain... vomiting..
sam.. tris.. thanks bros..
i mean it.. thanks for lookin out~
luckily i called my elder sis and she came by 2 pick me up..
having to crawl and stumble to the car was a nightmare..
and the nausea wasn't helping either...
the drive home was bad... i felt horrible...
but she made sure i got 2 bed in one piece...
and for that i am Ever so greatful...

let me just say... i realli realli realli..
don't want alcohol No MORE..
Serious man.. i ain't playin..
feeling that i had lost control of myself was miserable..
but.. weirdly.. i wasn't like drunk drunk..?
i knew what was going on around me...
just that.. i was so dizzy... and constantly wanted to throw up..
yah anyway...
i realli wanna make a big shout out to my bro's tris and sam..
for havin my back last night...

as for now... i'm gonna go lie down...
*sigh*.. i'm glad its over..
and i'm... pissed with myself for fucking up...
i shouldn't have.. FucK~!
ARGH~! feel so stupid...

"And all of your weight
All you dream
Falls on me it falls on me
And your beautiful sky
The light you bring
Falls on me it falls on me

Your faith like the pain
Draws me in again
She washes all my wounds for me
The darkness in my veins
I never could explain
And I wonder if you ever see
Will you still believe?"
Fuel. Falls on me