Internet down

okay.. here's the low down..
the internet is screwin up on me at home..
for the last... 2.. 3 days..?
Can't connect, and my mom wants to swtich to starhub.
so it'll be down EVEN longer..
haha.. i feel so unconnected.. Urgh~.. so here i am..
during my break from class @ my moms kindergarden..
at my moms office..using her 56K to blog..
its sad.. i KNOW~..! but in actual fact...
nothing much has happened in the last couple of days..
damn rain makes it hard 2 skate..
and i get all sleepy.. and with the net down..
i just watch skate videos All dae..
repetitive but inspiring nontheless... haha.
i think i'm over my sad spell.. MAYBE..
problems are still there.. but i'm gonna play out the cards dealt.

okay... so no mp3s on this com...
its gonna be hard to come up with an ending song line..
hmmmx... think think think..
'there once was a man from nantucket...'
hahahax... nah.. thats wrong..
alright.. here we go..

"Maybe i don't wanna go"
Boxcar Racer.Letters to God

Come clean

Din blog last night.. i've not been the mood..
that night at the club.. i'm not gonna deny that
every sip helped me feel better..
slowly.. everything seemed so slip away..
out of my hands.. i needed that..

i've been raging war inside me the last couple of days..
and its out of my control..
some things you just wanna forget..
but you can only forget things in the mind..
what if its carved into your heart? soul..?
can you forget those too..?

Damn its so fuckin complicated..~
and i dispair.. the light at the end a dismal flicker..
what the fuck happened man..
all of a sudden.. BAM... and i'm thrown into darkness again..
When the person i wanna tell the most cannot ever hear this..

"i fall down to the ground,
make a heavy sound...
Everytime,
you seem to come around."
Placebo.Special k

'There Is' by Boxcar Racer

this vacation's useless,
these white pills aren't kind.
i've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive.
i missed the grinded concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights.
i've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
the days have come and gone
our lives went by so fast.
i faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor,
where i laid and told you but you sweared you loved me more.

do you care if i don't know what to say?
will you sleep tonight or will you think of me?
will i shake this off pretend its all okay?
that there someone out there who feels just like me.
there is..

those notes you wrote me,
i've kept them all.
i'll give a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall.
with every single letter in every single word there,
will be a hidden message about a boy that's
loves a girl.
do you care if i don't know what to say?
will you sleep tonight or will you think of me?
will i shake this off?
pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me?
there is

do you care if i don't know what to say?
will you sleep tonight or will you think of me?
will i shake this off?
pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me?

do you care if i don't know what to say?
will you sleep tonight or will you think of me?
will i shake this off?
pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me?
there is

Okay.. todae.. hmmx.. well...
to say i'm totally over it.. is a lie..
i still nudges me and causes me
to get all serious and heavy..
but i'm not all over it like 2 days ago.

i realli like the song "there is" by boxcar racer..
it actualli makes me feel better.. thanks 4 the song tris..
i wasn't on good skate form todae..
guess i'm still recovering..? yah..
chinablack tmr night... $10 jugs...
that'll help.. i love the way i numbs me..
and the beach the next moring..
just what i need.. get it out of my system..

"Cuz i feel so mad.. i fell so angry..
Feel so careless.. so lost confused am i"

Boxcar racer.i feel so

Heya.. okay.. was going tru a rough patch last nite..
din sleep.. lost appitite.. had long class..
had some harsh realisations..
anyway i was beating myself up emotionally
during the first 3 hrs of class..
Felt pretty lousy and sad.. and my cheast ached...
felt like i had just gone 12 rounds in the ring..

after that i just shut my mind off..
went on mental holidae for the rest of class..
i realli needed that.. aknowledged that i WAS angry with myself..
i came to accept sum things.. stopped blaming myself..
by the time i got home i managed to smile again...
felt good.. relaxing..

went 2 town 4 dinner and hung out @ sponge...
den over 2 skate park with ken,tris and sam..
i basically watched the pros.. they are so good..
felt really lousy even tho i got my kickflip..
they freakin do it nollie or switch...
so my flip is but a grain of sand.. haiz..

i'm tired.. and drained.. emotionally and physically..
gonna go sleep it all away... good night all...

todae... instead of song lines... here's a quote..
its from "good will hunting"...
'you certianly aren't perfect... and i'll save you the fairytale..
she probably isn't either.. but its how perfect you are together..
that defines a relationship.'