Its been too long...

Listening to my happy music... Foo Fighters "Learn to fly"..
loved their music since secondary.. and what a great song...
and a great way to end the day too.. *deep breath*..
Ahhh.... man that felt good...

I haven't felt so spent and happy in a long time..
Started with mom draggin my consiousless body out of bed for church..
8.30 mass man~! wad the hell..! i slept at 4.30 am..
wad ever happened to 10.oo mass~!*grinx*
anyway.. confession time... haven't been to mass in like 2 months..
And that Vibe i felt in church actualli felt really good today..
just Spending time with with mom and ken was nice..
altho.. they WERE mostly day dreaming..
ken was dozing off.. mom was looking out the window..
Strangest thing.. when we held hands before communion..
moms grip on my left hand was like a vice...
my fingers were actually turning purpleish...
and she didn't even notice till she saw my face grimicing in pain..
Guess she realli misses her soon to be army boy...
i stayed back in church after everyone left..
called in a few favours with the big guy up top... *grin*
talked to him about being sorry for making mistakes..
and i went to see dad's niche..
had a silent one on one moment with dad..
told him i'd be fine.. & that i'd try to make him proud..
i missed him pretty bad.. but.. didn't say anything..
didn't wanna cause a scene

We had lunch.. and me and ken went 2 starbucks for coffee after..
talked about girls.. skating.. and girls.. and skating.. haha..
i'm realli gonna miss him.. i guess.. more than he'll know..
then off 2 Spitfire.. we both bought new decks.. i REALLY needed one..
Been using the dynasty for like.. FOREVER.. still like it tho..
Anyway came home to skate the day away..~~
wan came over and he helped me work on some tricks..
my eternal gratitude.. inspiration to a great day of skating...
i managed a nollie 50-50.. fakie 50-50... heelflips.. kickflips..
noseslide to fakie... nosegrind.. 5-0.. nollie down stairs.. and a crappy tailslide..
i haven't pushed so hard since ever.. must be the new deck...*grin*

All this followed by a wholesome hearty family dinner of chilli crab..
hahax.. and i really stuffed myself.. hmmx..
and if a hungry man is an angry man then...~
no wonder i'm so happy..~!

However.. some issues still bounce in my head..
i've been telling myself not to "play" around anymore..
but as of late the opportunities keep popping up..
and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't tempted..
Guess old habits die hard huh...?
but.. i told the guys i woulden't anymore.. so..
u guys better be freakin greatful man..!
cuz it sucks~..
and well.. i read something.. and honestly..
i'm a lil stumped.. confused.. boggled..
whatever u wanna call it.. its not something sad.. per sae..
just that i'm not sure.. cuz i want to.. but.. well..
ALRIGHT...! i can honestly say that this~
is the most vague passage in blog... EVER~!
u can see how confused i am about this..

ANYWAY i've rattled on long enough... i need to think and
rest up... will miss EVERY single one when i go ns..

"Hold on..
feeling like i'm headed for a..
break down..
and i don't know why..

i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell..
i know right now you can't tell..
but stay awhile and maybe then you'll see..
a different side of me.."
Matchbox20."Unwell"