Sleep doesn't come easily as of late..
i'd lie in my bed.. and when i give in and tire..
drift into a dark dream..and yet dreading the light of day..
When i have to feel again.. A vast collidoscope of feelings span my spirit...
How should i feel..? my black and white tearing apart in 2 different directions..
Afraid that i can't handle when the truth emerges.. bursting from my chest..
Slowly the darkness pulsates through my viens.. warm.. painful.. sinister.. yet.. liberating..
and i hear so much advice from everyone... i don't want anything... from anyone..
Is the concept of suffering alone so hard to digest..? Well i don't expect anyone to..

*deep Breath*.. ah.. haha.. man thats good..
praise you lord for creating tequila shots..~
Packing my day and drinking are all
i can do to stop my mind pondering..
For the first time in 3 days i'm actualli sleepy..
and i'm too buzzed to think..
i miss this feeling.. haha..
To drink to the extent of feeling completly nothing..
its so... warm.. comforting.. one more before i sleep..
just in case... just in case..

Let me end with this.. and i'll be completely sober about this...
Don't waste ur time and energy feeling sorri for me...
i'm not worth that kind of misery.. besides.. if anything..
you should be delighted.. u 2 are finally together..
well deserved and ment to be..
knowing that he makes u smile..
and knowing that u are happy ..
gives me strength..
that alone keeps me from falling apart..
love and hate happy and sad...
i'm... i'm.. happy for you.. i.. mean it..