Sunday, June 13, 2004

Dark Cloud

'Switchfoot.Meant to Live'

'Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside~'

I am sad.. don't usually say it but there..
I got a confession.. i'm pretty freaked out..
about everything basically.. Sispec..
sigh.. i don't know what to think..
heard the training is tough..
and the sergeants are realli unreasonable..
i feel like i'm starting back from square one..
and its not a good feeling.. all that training for nothing..
I don't know what to expect..
Argh i'm feelin like shit..
its the day before booking in..
and well.. i'll just come out and say it..
i'm scared.. about army..

About life..
i know i look like i got my life plan all worked out..
but to be honest.. seeing all my frenx getting uni letters..
it just scares me that i well PROBABLY can't get into local uni..
I feel prety fucked.. wondering how everything is gonna work out..
woke up this morning and just lay there..
looking at the ceiling..
scared shitless of the future...
my mind running in circles..
not making things any better..

Relationship wise..
i just keep hanging on to the ledge with the tips of my fingers..
many times i wonder if its worth it.. all i put myself through..
and maybe it be easier to just let go.. and fall.. fall..
but i just keep telling myself that its worth it..
because..well i know it is.. i've put in so much and waited so long..
i can't.. let myself crumble now..
It hurts.. but thats just how much i'm willing to put in..
But Its more scary now with so much on my mind..
i'm so scared that one day i WILL give up..
i don't want to.. Argh..

Wih so much on my mind.. how can you blame me for being sad..?
What thoughts to have before entering sispec..
this isn't the good start i expected..
damn.. i.. i just don't know..
... .. .