Argh.. my aching head~

Oh sweet jesus..~ we hit zouk last night..~!
and had one of the fuckin experiences of my life..
Even NOW my stomach still feels a lil bit queasy..
yo keepin balance and walking now still ain't easY~ ..
*sigh* good god... i feel so fuckin lousy..~
Last night was worse~! cuz my head was bouncin..

(okay.. the i tried 2 rhyme the first part.. buT seriously.. )
it went down like this...
Me, Sam and tris went to zouk earli..
tix are cheaper then..
and so naturally we started drinking pretty earli too
couple of beers.. tequlia shots.. all the Works~
man i should haf watched myself...
then went out to grab a bite.. and once again..
we had bottles of "Hinekens" outside..
went back.. and zouk was havin their 1 for 1 special..
so we got 2 JUGs of long island tea.. man that was tight~..
man that shit is strong.. i was watching them make it..
and i was like... hold Up~... thats alot of alcohol man..~!
yah so we had ALot to drink.. too much if you ask me..
but i didn't think so last night.. cuz i didn't feel the alcohol.. yet..
Then headed 2 phuture~.. man.. the bar was packed..
and the music was good~ it ain't half bad..
met up with trina and nichole.. danced a lil..
realli was having a super good time.. they're great girls..
then me sam and tris went out for fresh air..
and then when i leaned on the wall and closed my eyes.. BooM...~
everything got dizzy... i coulden't sit up straight.. that was real nasty~..
all this coupled with me hurling my guts out non stop..
Argh~..! the taste of alcohol and stomach acid still lingers in my mouth..
coulden't walk... or move for that matter.. it was bad.. real bad..~
i have never been so wasted in my life.. and honestly..
i was pretty scared.. i mean thats some crazy shit man..
Cuz i was feeling REAlli sick...
If the guys wern't there keepin me company i would haf just
passed out there and then.. by the drain... vomiting..
sam.. tris.. thanks bros..
i mean it.. thanks for lookin out~
luckily i called my elder sis and she came by 2 pick me up..
having to crawl and stumble to the car was a nightmare..
and the nausea wasn't helping either...
the drive home was bad... i felt horrible...
but she made sure i got 2 bed in one piece...
and for that i am Ever so greatful...

let me just say... i realli realli realli..
don't want alcohol No MORE..
Serious man.. i ain't playin..
feeling that i had lost control of myself was miserable..
but.. weirdly.. i wasn't like drunk drunk..?
i knew what was going on around me...
just that.. i was so dizzy... and constantly wanted to throw up..
yah anyway...
i realli wanna make a big shout out to my bro's tris and sam..
for havin my back last night...

as for now... i'm gonna go lie down...
*sigh*.. i'm glad its over..
and i'm... pissed with myself for fucking up...
i shouldn't have.. FucK~!
ARGH~! feel so stupid...

"And all of your weight
All you dream
Falls on me it falls on me
And your beautiful sky
The light you bring
Falls on me it falls on me

Your faith like the pain
Draws me in again
She washes all my wounds for me
The darkness in my veins
I never could explain
And I wonder if you ever see
Will you still believe?"
Fuel. Falls on me

Todays recap..~

Went to the country club.. N got my haircut..
came back.. din feel like skating.. watched the tube..
then went for a run with tris, sam, mike and tasha..
i realised i'm super out of shape man..
but it was pretty good..
then off 2 kamyung's place to work out @ the gym~!
haven't done that in a long time either.. Felt the BUrn baby~
yah then me, kamyung ,tirs and sam went for a dip in the pool..
haha they bloody swam in their boxers~!
and we played with our inflatable raft.. damn fucking fun~!
came back home tired.. and ate..
then we all met again go to 7-11.. haha..
I'm so tired.. and i need to go shower~..
todae was anything but boring~..
i'm glad..

"When am I gonna learn? Why? Cause I'm tired of hating
When will it be your turn? Why? Cause I'm tired of waiting"
Nickelback.Do this anymore

It's said that you can't hit what you can't see..
so can someone teach me..
how 2 find answers that don't have questions..
How to live a life that has but no purporse..
How some people can be at peace.. whilst i cannot..
i wonder why the puzzle pieces of my life..
just don't seem to fit together...
The face i wear and the smile i carry..
always portray otherwise..
The manic-depressent always creeping under my skin..
Lost... lost and looking..
in serarch of the truth with no origin..
when the alpha and omega collide..
forming an infinity.. Or black hole..


it may not make sense.. it may even freak you out..
but i'm just thinking out loud.. tot i'd jot it down.
i think its pretty complex.. yah anyway..
its just how i'm feelin.. comments..?

today was the usual..
no serious skating..
basically its us just messing around..
tryin stuff.. and i tweaked my ankle a lil..
still hurts tho.. but i'll probably go skate tmr..
haha.. i think i must be stupid..
or seriously not sane...
anyway i feel like writing..
and this is off the top of my head..
so here it goes..

Now i Know

I Feel so fucking stupid..
how could i've been so blind..
The answer was right in front of me..
how in the hell could i not see.

There was no chance that you'd be mine..
i've lost this game even through time.
For u and me just cannot be..
i'll never mean 2 u what u mean 2 me.

and all this pain that i went through..
suddenly seem so small and shrewd..
So i annouce it clear, right here right now..
Alone in the dark, i make this vow..

That i have enough.. i quit , we're through..
no longer is there a me and you..
and i'm glad.. relieved more than you know..
no longer will we put up this Show..

the game has ended.. at least for me..
it pains my heart, but i'm sure to be..
better than i am right now..
Our play has ended.. my fairwell bow

my not be one of my better poems but.. wtf right..
its all gibberish..

Man... i like that poem.. it.. feels nice.. haha
not that i'm projecting that in me now...
but sometimes when my world is collasping..
that kinda sums up how i feel.. ya dig..?

basically skated todae.. wan came over..
filmed some sick skate stuff..
me and ken worked out a.. tough issue..
which was realli good..
we both almost teared man~!
what the fuck man..
thats serious deep shit right there..

Lemmie sum todae up..

Trick highlight : 5'O the box & a sweeet heelflip.. board flipped right under me.. feet caught the deck right over the bolts man..

Aww factor : watching the Orsbornes~! when jack left to london and Lola
(the dog) was like all sad and depressed.. lying on the couch and floor looking all sad & adorable..~~ AWWWW~~.. ( fine~ i'll stop).... AwwwWWww..

Pissin Me Off : My aching right shoulder.. hurts when i lift it and all.. Oh..AND my FuckinG cough..! feel like i'm fuckin choking everytime i cough.. ticking me off man..

Consoling factor: eh.. that HOPEFULLY i'll get better.. if i don't DIe from it first.. *sigh* yah. That the element world tour skate video is done downloading~! YeS~! that... i'll probably go clubbing at the end of the week.. Oh~ & that my favourate lighter is working again..~ Woo..

Hopefully tmr is a better dae.. well hopefully every tmr is a better dae.. but that doesn't happen now does it.. yah whatever~ screw this.. i'm popping pills and off 2 bed..

Let it crumble.. The world on my shoulders..
i cannot hold it anymore.. the weight is too much
I've tried... tried to bare.. only to see nobody that cares..

The edges puncture my skin..
God knows its only paper thin..
Warm and red.. it feels so good..
there's no doubt in my mind cuz i knew that it would..

Won't someone lift my spirit..
this torn and tortured soul..
Is this world so self-absorbed..
that all you see are goals..

my grief means nothing..
and why should it to you..
use me when u need me..
and throw me when ur through..

This moment freezes in time..
fragments of memory scattered all around..
it tears away my Carcass..
And i scream but theres no sound..

My body hits the ground..
as i fall to my knees
broken and bloody..
as i mutter:"please god please.."

And all i wanted was..
for somebody to save me..
and as my vision starts to blur..
i know that can't be..

Andrew. 22\02\04 (1.06am)