Okay.. todae.. hmmx.. well...
to say i'm totally over it.. is a lie..
i still nudges me and causes me
to get all serious and heavy..
but i'm not all over it like 2 days ago.

i realli like the song "there is" by boxcar racer..
it actualli makes me feel better.. thanks 4 the song tris..
i wasn't on good skate form todae..
guess i'm still recovering..? yah..
chinablack tmr night... $10 jugs...
that'll help.. i love the way i numbs me..
and the beach the next moring..
just what i need.. get it out of my system..

"Cuz i feel so mad.. i fell so angry..
Feel so careless.. so lost confused am i"

Boxcar racer.i feel so

Heya.. okay.. was going tru a rough patch last nite..
din sleep.. lost appitite.. had long class..
had some harsh realisations..
anyway i was beating myself up emotionally
during the first 3 hrs of class..
Felt pretty lousy and sad.. and my cheast ached...
felt like i had just gone 12 rounds in the ring..

after that i just shut my mind off..
went on mental holidae for the rest of class..
i realli needed that.. aknowledged that i WAS angry with myself..
i came to accept sum things.. stopped blaming myself..
by the time i got home i managed to smile again...
felt good.. relaxing..

went 2 town 4 dinner and hung out @ sponge...
den over 2 skate park with ken,tris and sam..
i basically watched the pros.. they are so good..
felt really lousy even tho i got my kickflip..
they freakin do it nollie or switch...
so my flip is but a grain of sand.. haiz..

i'm tired.. and drained.. emotionally and physically..
gonna go sleep it all away... good night all...

todae... instead of song lines... here's a quote..
its from "good will hunting"...
'you certianly aren't perfect... and i'll save you the fairytale..
she probably isn't either.. but its how perfect you are together..
that defines a relationship.'

I just got off the phone...
its 3am.. and my neck aches.. = )
Looks like i'm back to my old advice giving ways..
Its fun.. i like helping. but the thing is.. i'll put it this way..
i should start a column.. get paid.. u know...
in the straits times or sum shit.. haha.
helping out is cool... espically when i realli care..
i like happy poeple.. haha.. yah whaever..
its so ironic.. when i can't hold a stable relationship myself..
haha.. but as i discovered long ago.. i got things to handle b4
i venture there.. anyway i love doing this..

What can i say about todae..?
same boring stuff.. i din skate much...f'ed up weather...
just hung out and chatted with the fellas..
went for class that was actualli quite interesting..
much better than hanging arnd at home all dae..
watched the new GIRL skate video.."harsh euro barge"
Fuckin good.. thats all there is to it...
smith to feeble.., k-grind to boardslide..,nollie flip nose slide 22 set hubba...~!?
thats crazy shyt..
bootleg and the gold wheels video ... eh.. okay la..
bad filming... quailty.. and the skating wasn't too impressive..
watched amreican idol... man that chinese guy...damn pro...
he should audition for a comedy club instead of american idol..

haha anyway.. its inspired me to sing..
have been all night...
blue eyes blue.. hold on.. growing on me..
she's so high... californication.. jumper... beautiful day...
haven't just shut myself in a room and sang.. haha..
don't judge me man.. dumbasses...

whatever.. know you all are probably sleeping.. but..
sweet dreams anyway... i know i'll sleep well..
cuz i got something special tonight..

"i thought you were the one who'd stay forever..
but now forever has come and gone.."

"it was you who put the clouds above me,
it was you who made the tears come down'
Eric clapton.Blue eyes blue

Sleeping Awake

Okay.. this is on a much more serious note.. this may be a lil abstract.. and hell most of you who read this are gonna think that i've lost my marbles.. gone nuts.. bit the crazy farm.. read if you want.. understand if you can...

Here's something..
its 7am.. i haven't had a wink of sleep..
and its not like i didn't try.
lay in my bed for 3 hrs.. 1 hr reading..
the other 2.. well.. letting thoughts run..
not thoughts of a bad nature necessarily..
but they wern't all nice to say the least..
its strange.. this usually doesn't happen unless..
well.. nvm.. not sumthin you guys will understand..

usually theres a problem that keeps me up...
but i just can't seem to call it out.. or can i..?
deja Vu sums it up...
there is none so blind as he who will not see..
am i fogging up my mind...? why won't i deal with it..?
sometimes i wonderif its.. its destiny.. fate... or freak coincidence..
how can this happen over and over again..
the similarities are.. remarkable... even scarey..
history.. running over and over.. always there..
its like a broken record.. i wonder again..
these thoughts.. they aren't completly foreign...
somehow they feel warm.. like an old friend.. OR enemy..
this road i HAVE seen.. suprised..? not totally.. happy..?
i'd be lying if i said i've been worse...
is this the start AGAIN.. am i doomed to relive..?
maybe.. maybe.. just maybe..

Insanity

hey everyone..
okay i'm putting sentimental andrew aside..
pretty tired of him too.. tied him up and stuffed him in a closet..
lets get this shyt on~...
man.. what a long, lazy, boring day..
if not for skate videos and my guitar
i'd lose my freakin mind..
thank god there's class tmr man...
(yah i'm actualli looking forward to class.. how sad is this shit..~)
haha.. yah anyway i'm fucking tired..
lazing around at home all day is much harder than it seems man..
RESPECT to all the hobos and couch potatos..
spent my day learning songs.. and practicing skate tricks on my carpet..
cuz of this shit ass weather.. whats the deal..?
its like.. the weather is running late..
monsoon was supposed to be december man..
i need to skate man... i'm even havin withdrawl syndromes...
instead i'm stuck at home watching lame shows like..
bold and beautiful, days of our lives.. sakura wars..

anyway been making plans to totally Pack my saturday...
gonna shoot hoops with nick in the mornin...
show sum flashy freestyle,cut and slash the bucket, ya noe.. kill the court..
supposed to meet dom,wil and hui at town
at noon to check out sunglasses.. sweeet..
then over to gardens to get WASTED~
chill with the guys at a relaxin pub.. have a few drinks..
that'll be fun man.. watching the others get high..
we'll probably end up doing sum crazy stuff..
who knows.. one of us may even score..
well.. except joe.. he's our desiginated diver..
i mean.. walker.. he'll carry our asses to mings place or smth..
fuck man.. there ain't nuthin finer.. can't wait..

'your realli growing on meeee~~, X3
if you can't SeEEeEE~~..'
The darkness.Growing on me

Gone

There are so many times that this has gone down..
me loving you so but i don't make a sound.
and the look in your eyes, it says i don't care..
but how can i blame you those words i didnt share..

and You walk away just like all the rest..
my heart beats so fast deep within my chest.
and i tell myself alone.. i messed up again..
*sigh* for the ten thousandth time... i messed up again.
i could have said something, told you how i feel.
and you might haf said yes.. it means a great deal.
but i did it all wrong.. i should have better,
then again now.. its too late to matter.

if i onli knew you felt the same way,
i woulden't be here without you today.
everytime we say goodbye..
voices in my head say why didn't you tell her? why? why? why?
When i do try to tell you, words get caught in my throat,
the phrase never comes out, and i think i might choke.

"In this life.. i know i can never truly be your feet and walk in your shoes,
but i can take your hand, and walk the path with you."

~Pitter Patter~

Rain rain.. go away.. No~ i'm not messing man.. i'm serious..
its been raining since 10am... and its 1am at night now..?!
you'd think the clouds would get tired and just run out~..
rain pretty much rules out skating... so me and the guys went
2 play lan.. and had burrito night.. man i love cooking..~
I'm chef andrew damn it..~ can you dig that..
oops.. i mean.. eh... em... err... Look~ unicorn...~~!
(close save man..*whew*) haha..
and we watched that world idol thing.. the last guy RoK3D~!
then i got bored and went to play guitar...
Oh...oh i learnt that.. 'she's so high' song...
there wern't any tabs or chords on the net..
so i made up my own.. the aren't GREAT..
but they'll do..

Yah anyway there're 2 JC partys tonight...
one at china black.. and the other at embassy...
haven't clubbed since.. the industry Nj party? which was a total bust..
and i'm at home..~ and i'm SO itching to go man..
i need smoke and music.. and ATMOSPHERE~~!
being home now is freakin torture.. espically when i can get there in.. like 15 mins?
yah not going partly cuz sam won't go..*Cough ^wussy^ Cough*
and well the whole alcohol thing..
if u haven't heard.. i'm swearing off alcohol for awhile..
not for anyone.. but jus cuz i wanna...
been hafin too much recently...U should take a hint 3na..~
haha i'm being a freakin role model.. *ahem*

yah.. i need to crash.. hit the showers and sleep...
i'm outta here... BTW... pple that DIDN'T send ang pow..
i know where u life damnit... haha...

'She's so high.. high above me,she's so lovely.'
Fastball.She's so high

She's so High.. by Fastball

she's so high..~~ high above me..
she's so lovely..
shes so high..~~
like cleopatra.. joan of arc or aphrodite..
she's so high... high above me..
first class of fancy free..
she's high society..
she's got the best of everything..
what could a guy like me..
ever realli offer..
she's perfect as she can be..
why should i even bother..
she's so high..high above me..
she's so lovely..
shes so high..
like cleopatra.. joan of arc or aphrodite..
she's so high... high above me..
she's comes to speak to me.. i freeze immediatly..
cuz what she says sounds so unreal..
cuz sumhow i can't believe that anything should happen..
cuz i know where i belong and nothing is gonna happen..