Saturday, March 13, 2004

Suicide notes and butterfly Kisses

Encase me.. in my glass casket..
So i can't hear the rantings of outside..
The silence echos loudly.. and its so scarey..
so this reflects my inner state of mind..
If you close your eyes for me this time..
i promise you won't see me anymore..
But shut your mind and if you look hard..
Faint outlines form me in silhouette..
Wrap me up in velvet.. red if you please..
My peace and solice coming from inside..
When shadows fall upon me.. the time of sleep..
i'll stay awake thoughts running tru my mind..
just wish that i could stop it.. heading for a crash..
Maybe this crash will save me from this life..
Had a life but i can't go back.. Lives are black..
Never wanna live that lie again...
I don't love how you love
but please don't leave me here alone
I don't feel how you feel
Well it's my fault I'm bones
I don't die how you die
I can't just waste away
You keep changing your life
I don't fall how you fall
I won't hold on you can't let go
When it's pain I feared
I made you take it slow
I don't cry how you cry
there's nothing left in me
you keep changing my life

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Black Wings

i was having pretty rough night ..
quite stressed.. tense all that.. nothing was working out..
had 2 beers.. and walked alone in the rain for awhile..

The cold was embracing..
The rain, raw and unbecoming..
The morning sky painted stunning lilac and blue..
And me standing alone in the middle of it..
The cool rain drops pounding as i look into the sky..
My hands reach up.. trying to grasp.. something anything..
Soaked to the bone i felt my spirit lift..
Chilling dew runs down the back of my neck..
i feel my back tear and my wings spread out..
The cry echos the streets..
The silence shatters in the instance..
Kneeling on the gravel..
Black wings wrap me tight
I didn't want to leave.. the rain was me.
So cold.. dense.. tired and gloomy..
So dark and lost.. the winds went right through me..
Perfect the night that i became..

"Little angel go away,
Come again some other day.
Devil has my ear today,
I'll never hear a word you say.
He promised I would find a little solace,
And some piece of mind.
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so,
Desperate and Ravenous.
I'm so weak and powerless over you."
A perfect circle.weak and powerless

Monday, March 08, 2004

Rain.. rain...

okay.. so todae i woke up like at 3.30pm..
omg~ i can't believe i got up so late..
usually if i have a late night drinking or clubbing..
its okay.. but.. it wasn't a late night.. so yah.. *sigh*

anyway.. as u probably can guess its
raining outside.. HuGE fat drops too.. ChUBBy raiN~
but luckily there was So much good tv on.. eh.. i caught..
the orsbournes~.. which i adore.. fucking funny stuff..
and.. the Cuetech cue american womens pool nationals..
jeanette lee was playing karen corr.. omG~!
jeanette Lee Rules~! Her playing is so good, she's asian
& she's so hot~~.. *drooL* she beat karens bitch ass~!
and... Oh.. the wade robson project on mtv..
u know that show where they go from town to town..
holding dance auditions and pick the best..?
yah man.. it was mad hot... everyone was just
throwin it down on the dance floor..
makes me wanna take up dj'ing or dancing..
when i got the time.. AND $$$..
hahahax.. i'll add that to my list of..
"should do in this lifetime"

after all that tv i still haven't started work..
looks like i'll be up late.. *sigh*.. but
strangly.. looking forward to doing my work..
totally freaky.. its so NOT me to wanna do work..
*grin*.. o well.. lyrics 2 end..?
here's incubus..
love the title.. i wish.. she was here~~
so sappy right..? haha enjoy the song..

"I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy...happy
I wish you were here"
Incubus. i wish you were here.

Yup... toade i'm just gonna make it quick..
was up all night.. din sleep till 4.30am..
and woke up to go career fair with tris..
which was real good.. answered some questions..
at least i qualify for some unis.. and got SOME direction..
basically spent the last 2 daes healing up my damn throat..
slacking at home.. working on some songs.. play guitar..
but they aren't any good.. yah anyway..
gonna pia my assignments.. at least gotta finish 2 and a half..
anyway.. here's some lyrics from a new song i like..
by The Rasmus.. its abit poppy for me.. but its still Gud~

"In The Shadows"
No sleep
No sleep untill I am done with finding the answer
Wont stop
Wont stop before I find a cure for this cancer
I feel I going down and so disconnected
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher