OH Happy Days..

Its about 0130 Hrs in the morning..
and i just got home stinky and soggy..
No.. i didn't go clubbing Or swimming..
i just got back from 7 SIB range..
which fyi, i am NOt a part of..
Mmmm.. why then was i there..?
arrowed to be the neutral umpire.. THATs why..
Ugh.. so god damn tired..
on top of that.. it didn't help that i needed to take a cab back..
my poor wallet god bless her soul..
and my cab driver who strangly decided to only converse in fujian..
all i could do was nod my head like i was having a seizure..
you think thats bad..?
he was going 115km\hron the expressway..
and i SWEAR i caught him nod off once or twice..
Very VERY comforting..
I am tired.. merry X'mas everyone..
to all my friends, thank you for putting
up with me and my nonsense.. for yet another year..
god bless you guys..

OwiE~... Shourt 1 drum..

let me tell you a story...
My Ear Hurts~!
actually its been hurting all yesterday..
and guess what..! its my ear drum bulging..
cuz of built up pressure or smth..
visited my family doctor..
he gave me medicine and i booked in to camp..

did sum stuff and dozed offff...
and at like 3 in the morning i felt my ear was wet..
Yuppp... my eardrum burst..
so i went to see my unit mo and he was kinda freaked at
how much blood was in my ear...
so he sent me to see a specialist at CGH..
and they gave me a good hard painful ear cleaning..
and stuffed a cotton thingie in..
that hurt too by the way...

and now i'm home for 3 daes...
mmMmmm..
well hopefully it'll recover in a week..

Out of pandora's box
escapes sorrow and dispair..


before hope...
where's the hope......


sigh..
i turn my head for a moment..
and it all stacks up..
far be it from me to air dirty laundry..
but i've either had it.. or i'm just tired..

Reality checks are hard aren't they..?
for a brief moment glimpsing a look at urself..
just the way it is.. unshaven.. unclean...
no where to hide left or right..


mmmMmm... looks like i've done it again..
i try to be the teddy bear in all of this but..
like everyone i lose it sometimes..
not that its a bad thing.. i say what i have to say..
and if it stings.. it's probably the truth..
save the look at yourself before looking at others
for another time.. cuz i'm just airing thoughts..
i'm such a prick...

1)
I will not stand by and watch this anymore..
i nag if i care which u apparently don't
and if u don't care about yourself our the implications on others..
don't expect me to clean up afterwards..
cuz i WILL bail.. and i won't be left picking the pieces..
slice ur wrists on ur own time.. not mine..

2)
u... grow up... harsh..? but true..
ur not a small boy anymore.. so stop acting like one..
ugh.. sometimes i feel like my heads gonna friggin pop~!
life's not a gonna be an easy ride all ur damn life..
and honestly i'm getting weary of the antics..

3)
Don't know why it yanks at my nerves..
how can you be so young..? Ugh..
so overly obsessed with the wrong things..
i want to i want to.. everyone else iS!~~!
i Must have it.. so naive...
there's a reson for rules..
the time WILL come.. why bother...

4)
i need to get myself moving..
using army as an excuse to take a thinking vacation..
Things i HAVE to get done and haven't touched..
things i should have more initiative on and not doing..
just fucking shit tired...

Never Again..

Sometimes i expect a reply.. A reply from the dead..
i've waited too long..
waiting.. still waiting.. maybe.. maybe someday soon..
Its light Dim.. and extinguised in a gust..
A squirming flame now no more..

and once again.. it sears at my flesh..
and scratches at my sinew.. but its okay..

Unto me any bodily harm there of
and the river of blood overflow..
let the devil himself within awaken..
awaken...

And Once again.. Never again.. i let you die..
Fallen to the ground and body runs cold..
A stigma engraved in my consiousness..
Why did you leave me..
A stranger so close.. and a stranger in me..

Eye of the tiger baby~!

Mmmm... Rarrrh..~! i'm feelin good.. strangely..
feel like kicking ASS.. hahaha.. i'm pumped~!
Mothers hide ur daughters..~!

i guess its cuz pple i know are feeling down this week..
Exams.. army exercises.. breakups..
whatever.. gonna keep my chin up..
u know that saying... a wise man told me once...

he says to me;
" chosen one.. *chough cough*..
when the going get tough..










Kick ASS~!
*cough Cough*"

ps.. eat carls JR...



AND So you see..
maybe my alcohol poisoning has CLEARED my vision..
ah yes.. that and a dash of kung pow..


Ooh.. i saw COLIN at orchard~!
zack zack~! climb climb climb~!
dig deep for that inner monkey..
feel the flow..~~

Black Sheep...

Chosen to be part of this Core..
i can't help but always wonder if..
it was some kind of mistake..
for me to represent men of such value..

Out of place.. the life is not for me..
an officer is far from what i seem myself to be..
They carry themselves with such an air of absolutness..
confused, i fear i let down the core..
such a proud few..

now i'm SURE it was a mistake..
time will groom a leader..
surely not.. i'm of neither.. finding it so hard..
struggling to find my niche..

Sick.. it makes me..

Another weekend.. back from my SUNNY Island..
Life there is Really killing me..
Got sick this weekend.. WAS sick during the week..
headaches and fever plaguing me through the days..
Mild Bronchitis.. ugh.. medicine keeps me drowsy..
Dr Chia hasn't seen me in 5 years and he says i'm the same..
but this aside.. i just can't help but feel something's amiss..

out of alignment.. then again.. can't help but feel its just me..
has life gotten less exciting..?
Must be that i'm more work and less play these days
hardly skate.. or climb.. or club..
life has gotten abit dull hasn't it..

And i miss the old days.. just skating after school...
Or even ocs days.. when we all were trainees..
things were new and fresh..
Now it seems.. life revolves around work..
and not just 2 dimensional revolves...
i'm talking 360 Deg.. ALL round kinda revolves..

Leaves me.. well tired.. mmm yes..
time for medicine.. sleep...
i miss you all... sweet dreams..

"BEST OF You"

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use

I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse


..Foo Fighters





"Breathing"

Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating? My heart's sinking like a weight

Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?My heart's sinking like a weight

Yellowcard..



scary thought nudged its way into my head last night..
a choice.. and one i was actually willing to consider..
decisions.. one i'd never thought i would even consider..
need to look into making a choice..
it maybe one of the hardest i'll ever have to make..

'Wake Me Up When September Ends'

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends



Sometimes i wish i had half your wisdom..
How cool and composed you always looked..
never flinching an eyebrow.. 7 years..
Its not the same without you here...
miss you dad..

Helpless....

I'm so silent.. can't help but smile..
Beats bounce off the walls..
dust falls from the ceiling..
shaking the room to its foundation..
Desperate.. i shout.. praying for someone to hear me..

and silence again...
why bother.. smile..
give up..? give up...

"Only One"

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know


Here I go,
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know


Here I go,
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one


This post is For my dearest trina..
you know me..
i'm no with words..
but sometimes songs seems to encapsulate just how i feel..
when i heard this song..
i could only think of you.. = )
Thanks for being my only one..

Ugh.. WORK~..

God damn i hate work politics..
This other PC in MY own company keeps arrowing ME~..!
Et to Brutae~?Sigh..
The things one will do to save your own ass...
But well its done.. Stupid A.I. ..
At least i learnt stuff today..
Muz learn to take things in my stride..

Grin.. BESIDES.. SOMEday i'll get him back..
hahahaha.. Ur ass.. IS MINE...
Thanks to trina.. for making things better..

NOw if you don't mind..
i gotta get back to hatching my evil scheme...
grin

Fade to Black..

Shadows amongst billions..
across the furthest edges..
then come the night..
and i fade to black..

Just one of many..
faces..faces.. so many faces..
a lifetime.. to mean nothing..
nothing..

A footprint in the sand..
A memory in the minds of men..
take another look..!
it is no longer..

It tears at my chest..
Eats me from inside..
i can't mean nothing..
i won't..

But i do...
don't i..?

Decisions... Decisions..

Grin.. the strange thing about life..
its never a straight road.. u know..
loop-D-loops.. twrils.. spirals..
at speeds that leave everything a blur..
(feeling dizzy yet...?)

My point..? oh none in particular..~
i feel.. strange.. its like as if..
i realised the concept of time and and the space of events..
on a PERSONAL scale of course..
and i can only come up with one phrase to embody..
"roll with the punches.."
take what u get.. or can get..

it is at THIS point in time where you.. (yess you!)
actually start wondering what the hell i'm talking about
and if i am spouting some new AGE gibberish..
Maybe you have a different phrase..?
well whatever be the case...

my advice..?


...
..
.

Roll with the punches...

Oh! oh.. and watch batman begins..! its good stuff~..
haha.. with that i bid you adu~..

God gave rock and roll to you..

God gave rock and roll to you..
gave rock and soul to you..
put it in your soul for you..
save rock and roll..
everyone..

Knights.In.Satans.Service.(ie. KISS)


what a great song.. really embodies the spirit of rocking out.. just getting everything off your cheast.. if even for just a second.. *Pheeew*

Maybe its time to let go.. i guess there are somethings in life i just can't hold on to.. and i'm used to quitting when i'm winning.. i wonder what i'm doing sometimes.. will think about it over the week.. quitting...? Ugh.. that'll suck.. but maybe its for the best..? Sigh.. MAYBE.. i'll just walk away for now.. let it bob around in my head.. booking in to camp for the week.. maybe it'll all be over soon..

~i'll be your memory~

Mmm.. its about lunch timee... and well.. u know me..
just got outta bed.. GrinX.. next week looks pretty boring...
another week of aircrafts..
moving hse soon.. so MOST of mah stuff is packed..
sure uncovered a couple of lil momentos..
bringing me back to those days..
baby fotos.. sispec photos.. my climbing stuff..
lil notes from friends.. my old school grades...
those sure were the days.. everything was so simple..
i'm sure you'll agree...

so many things going on..
i want everything.. the high life.. and yet
i love things simple.. i guess thats how its like..
with most pple anyways.. traveling in opposites..
*ahem* anyway i've rambled on enough..

i hope ole Joe is holdin up..
need to realli focus on the stupid buisness too..
make sure things run smoothly..
not to mention keep up wit my course too..

simple..
when thing were simple..

TRYING

Could you let down your hair
be transparent for awhile
just a little while
to see if your human after all

honesty is a hard attribute to find
when we all want to seem like
we've got it all figured out
well let me be the first to say that
I don't have a clue
I don't have all the answers
ain't gonna pretend like I do

I'm just trying
to find my way
trying
to find my way the best that I know how

so here we go.. quick update..
chop chop cherrio and all that..

zack's in taiwan..
tris is in Bintan..
ken's at camp..
trina and belle are actually STUDING for exams..
i've invested in a lil business..
I'm Moving House Soon
i'm posted to viper coy..
AND i'm on Ground Force Air Controller( G F A C ) course for 4 more weeks..

oh.. and i just remembered.. i'm Turning twenty..
grin.. isn't life a biach.. sigh..
Love ya all.. *Hugx* and stuff..

Realised that i haven't blogged in ages..
been what... 3 weeks now..? Yup..
commissioning is over.. and joe's STILL a cadet..
hmm.. Think of the POSSIBILITIES.. GrinX..
well.. went zouk last night.. didn't drink much though..
strange.. haha.. it was fun though..! Feelin pretty mellow..
so here's a mellow song i like..
its by lifehouse.. mmmmmMmm..
brings me back to secondary school..

BREATHING
I'm finding my way back to sanity again
though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
and take a breath and hold on tight
spin around one more time
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't want to speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's doorand listen to you breathing
is where I wanna be yeah

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm
trying to identify the voices in my head
God which one's yours
let me feel one more time what it
feels like to feel alive and
break these calluses off of me
one more time
cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside your door
and listen to your breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
where I wanna be

I don't want a thing from you
bet you're tired of me
waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
cause I just want to be here now
cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more thanto sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to your breathing
is where I wanna be yeah

cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more thanto sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to you breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
where I wanna be
where I wanna be

Finish Line..

I'm in camp now, doing CDS duty today..
all becuz of an extra i didn't deserve to get..
And i did try to explain the situation..
wasn't gonna take the rap for no reason..
but REGARDLESS.. i'm still here..
and i've come to learn that..
there are some things in life that you should just do..
(terms and conditions apply)

Anyway.. 2 more weeks to commisioning..
For all The crap i've been through and AM going through RIGHT now..
that its okay.. i'll just take it.. some things aren't with fighting for..
souds to mellow for me huh..?? Grin..
And u must be asking.. "WHATS WITH THE PINK~~"
... ... ... it goes will with my background okay..

platoon assault course and Panther are over..
Just 2 more weeks of parade rehersals...
sigh.. realised i really need a break from the army..
Did you hear..? my lil bro got into ocs too..!
he'll be here as a cadet while i'm commisioning..
How COOL is that..! anyway.. i'm So proud of my little bro..
No one more deserving than him.. He'll make a fine officer..
an officer with a mean HARDflip and fakie frontside flip~?
Scary shit.. haha

just wanna play guitar and skate like the old days..
als those days have passed.. it like growing up..
now i have commitments... to me.. my friends.. my family..
now i that i work 4 the SAf.. its like i'm sliding into my
roles as a leader.. a grown up.. sigh..
not too sure if thats a good thing..

Anyway Sorry for Missing YOur Birthday DEAR..!
make it up to ya.. ; ) promise~..

S_aint

Slit my writsts.. thats how i learn..
Charred to the bone.. my Body Burns..
covered in crimson.. constantly yearn..
Body bleeds black.. awaits my return..

Open arms await.. a glint in his smile...
Beckens to me.. to stay for awhile..
We share a drink.. Spirit or wine..
how long has it been..? doing just fine..?
our shadows and identity aline..
We are One again.. just like old times..

But i can't..

42 More Days To Go..

I didn't Even cross my mind till
a platoon mate brought it up couple of days back..
Wow.. "Forty Two"... the number just kinda rolls off your tongue..
Doesn't it..? maybe its just me then..
Its coming soon. But things haven't been getting any easier..
i'm still tryin to stay focused.. counting as the days go by..
Basically we are tying up the loose ends..
a couple more exercises to go.. fibua.. pac.. panther.. Hcc.. Mtp
Wondering if i should perform at coms ball...
got a couple of songs worked out.. thats still in the works..
Going to rogue tonight.. hope its good..
Need to unwind.. have a couple of drinks..

Me Love You Long Time by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two are	Inseperable
Your meeting was by	Choice
They are your	Sweetheart
You are their	Shining star
Your love will	Be your strength
Quiz created with MemeGen!

i'm gonna stop smoking...
social or not.. its not an excuse..
thanks mom and jie for bringing it up..
i know it must not have been easy..
To see me in that light..
i'm not perfect.. but we handled it well.. as always..
so it ends here.. skreeching to a halt..
thank you.. it means much.. so much..

BruneI~

Its almost over..
bags packed lying at the foot of my bed..
Reminiscent of day one..
Come full circle beginning to end..
the end to begin..

A little more skinny,
3.8Kgs lighter,
and wiser of the jungles of tembourong
i emerge.. triumpant badge in hand..
little more than nothing on my mind..
Weary bodies take awhile to climatise
back to sheltered surroundings..

the unease of Nomad..
Followed by the solitude of Hermit..
and the pain of each step of Bone..
Nothing more than just another faint memory
in the back of our minds..


My last post was when i was still in tawian a good 5 weeks ago..
thats a long time.. anyway first off let me fill you in..
i've been in brunei for the last 3 weeks doing my Jungle confidence course..
It is some crazy shit to go tru for a silly badge..
cold.. wet.. hungry.. insect infested.. wet.. you name it..
probably the most uncomfortable environment to survive in..
It was a long and trecherous 3 weeks.. but its over and done with..
Things have changed since then.. i've changed.. just a lil.. here and there..
Miss my Buds.. the marist gang.. the chancery clique.. my family.. and espically my bro..
Ken's in Bmt now.. Charlie Coy~ plt 2 section 1..
so its quiet at home without my bestest bud around..
Congrats To Nick My Second Lta Brudda..~
u made it my man.. finally.. 10 mths Of the shit..
i'll be seein u soon.. but with one Slight Difference~
my shoulder will be carryin the same bar u are..

--TrapT--

A little sip of spirit will calm me down..
Everythings a mess chaos all around..
A little more drink will ease my mind..
make me believe that everthing is fine..
Shot glasses lined up.. vodka to the brim..
maybe tomorrow i'll wake up and not have to be him..
Bottle runs dry i can barely stand..
Can't see or hear can't wait to end..