Dark Cloud

'Switchfoot.Meant to Live'

'Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside~'

I am sad.. don't usually say it but there..
I got a confession.. i'm pretty freaked out..
about everything basically.. Sispec..
sigh.. i don't know what to think..
heard the training is tough..
and the sergeants are realli unreasonable..
i feel like i'm starting back from square one..
and its not a good feeling.. all that training for nothing..
I don't know what to expect..
Argh i'm feelin like shit..
its the day before booking in..
and well.. i'll just come out and say it..
i'm scared.. about army..

About life..
i know i look like i got my life plan all worked out..
but to be honest.. seeing all my frenx getting uni letters..
it just scares me that i well PROBABLY can't get into local uni..
I feel prety fucked.. wondering how everything is gonna work out..
woke up this morning and just lay there..
looking at the ceiling..
scared shitless of the future...
my mind running in circles..
not making things any better..

Relationship wise..
i just keep hanging on to the ledge with the tips of my fingers..
many times i wonder if its worth it.. all i put myself through..
and maybe it be easier to just let go.. and fall.. fall..
but i just keep telling myself that its worth it..
because..well i know it is.. i've put in so much and waited so long..
i can't.. let myself crumble now..
It hurts.. but thats just how much i'm willing to put in..
But Its more scary now with so much on my mind..
i'm so scared that one day i WILL give up..
i don't want to.. Argh..

Wih so much on my mind.. how can you blame me for being sad..?
What thoughts to have before entering sispec..
this isn't the good start i expected..
damn.. i.. i just don't know..
... .. .

Liquid_Room

Right.. hmmx.. went to liquid room last night..
and me and tris decided to bring our YOUNGER siblings..
BIG mistake..
so it was.. tris.. tasha.. tasha's fren.. me.. my bro and janice..
for me and tris it was more a babysitting trip than anything else..
always chacking up on the younger ones every 10 minutes.. jesus..
to top that ken drank too much and needed to be sent home..
so OUR night was stressful.. taking care of tasha...
and kens bugging me quite abit now.. don't care if he sees this..
Giving me this.. i'm a Big Fuck attitude..
the whole i got a girlfriend and i'll do whatever shit i want kinda thing..
funny that I WAS the one sending his ass home in a cab last night..
anyway that aside.. met alot of platoon mates.. Marist guys...
had fun with them.. so i guess the night was not too bad..

Oh.. got my posting.. looks like i'll be going to sispec..
i feel i deserve ocs but well.. nothing i can do now..
gonna try go transfer to ocs after BSLC(basic section leader course)..
Gonna give it my best shot.. but if i can't i don't mind either..

Abit Confused about relationship stuff..
Keeps my mind wandering..
Right.. song lyrics..

"I'm tired of playing games, of looking for someone else to blame
For all the holes in answers that are clearly showing
For something to fill the space, was all of the time i spent a waste
'cause so many choices point the same way i was going...

But i'm not ever going to know if i'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction
And i'm not sure which way to go because all along
We've been going in the same direction"

Hoobastank."Same Direction"

Day by day..

Shattered glass sprays around the room..
A lullaby to this dark and gloom..
Walking away you turn your back..
This winter day your things you pack..
Freeze in Time the night's so clear..
Gravity will pull you near..
Extend your hand i'll hold you close..
Shield you from this world of ghosts..
Is it me you came to see..
We share this world just you and me..


Right... as usual.. that came from a rather dark place.. i'm not upset or anything.. and i don't realli know WHY i post up these random writings Or their meanings.. i guess i gotta let it out somewhere.. where better than here..?

Chinablack was horrible.. i mean it was the usual.. but i dunno.. i just wasn't in a very party happy mood.. there were SO many guys compared to girls.. but i think i had more fun meeting old friends and talking them anything else.. drank quite abit.. but didn't get wasted or high at all.. sheesh.. Its things like these that confirm something is wrong with the universe.. grin..

Anyway will probably hit HMV later.. check out some new music.. skate a lil.. hang out.. do shit.. later people.. By the way.. and i know my mom isn't gonna read this but.. Happy birthday mom..! U know i Love ya..

Oooh..! For anyone interested lakers beat detroit in game 2 of the NBA finals to even the series 1-1..! crux shot kind of game.. kobe sunk a 3 pointer to tie the game and force ot with 2.1 seconds on the clock..! That was just plain sick..! Final score: lakers 99, detroit 91..

"The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day"

Story Of The Year.Anthem Of Our Dying Day.

???

Whats goin on..?
i keep askin myself..
See and find..
Seek but lost..

Answers don't come easy..
There's a price to pay..
Sometimes we don't know..
and its better off that way..

Open your eyes..
See whats not there..
Worlds fall apart..
the truth lies abare..

You think you know..
but you don't know shit..
You're living a dream..
one where u rule supreme..

Give in to temptation..
don't fight nature's way..
Cuz u will lose out..
somewhere someway sometime of day..


Whats that all about...? To be honest.. i'm just writing from the top of my head.. god knows its significance.. or whatever the hell it means.. i'm just writing from a place where... i'm tired.. a lil depressed.. sleepy.. a lil ticked.. yah.. well i dunno.. think its.. okay.. not great but okay.. So i lied about having a happier post today..

Feeling heart heavy.. don't know why.. had a good day too.. good ballin.. pool with frenx.. dinner with ken... chinablack tmr.. everything looks good.. Looks.. argh.. what the fuck shit is going on..

i'm outta here.. Nites``==``==``==``==``==``==``==``==!

Home..

good god i missed being home...
24km route march and pass out parade behind me..
i'm just.. SooO tired..
Body's achin all over.. can barely keep my eyes open..

i mean i'll miss bmt.. strangly enough..
the friends.. the fun\tough\rewarding training..
the tough stuff like field camp.. sit test.. soc..
and the easy stuff.. cleaning my rifle.. ippt.. gym sessions..

but the break is good.. i needed some space from my bunk mates..
was totally gonna snap at them today.. guess i was just tired..
Posting...? i wonder where i'll go..?
but serously too tired to ponder about that now..
gonna pump some songs into my new mp3 player..
listen to the muzik and knock off..
don't worry folks..
Will probably have a more "lively" post tomorrow...
Now if you don't mind..
i think i'll go pass out on my bed..
may the night bring pleasent dreams to all..

Hope you like the lyrics from..
"Yellowcard" Ocean Avenue.
"Ocean Avenue"

"There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away"