ScareD...

I'm scared..
Scared of so many things..
Running these lines..
To what end it brings..
So frail and fragile..
This porcelain child..
His pleasure never lasts..
For more than awhile..

He wishes things were different..
Changing his plight..
But life's stacked against him..
try as he might..
She alone saves his grace..
runs her fingers across his face..
and i'm scared of much..
ever so much..


no more..

ErM...>...>..

Alright.. so just gonna post down some general stuf.. *Ahem*.. okay..

one..
i noticed.. well i've been neglecting the marist guys as of late.. most of the time i can't make their meetings and when i can i'm just too damn tired or lazy to drag my scrawny ass down to gardens.. so lemmie start off with a.. " I'm SorrY~.." will make more effort to come down.. tho the journey is a bitch.. haha.. Miss the good times passing out on zacks computer room floor after a long night of PS 2.. laffin at joe getting high on the SMELL of the alcohol.. damn.. and basket ball earli next morning after prata.. good shit man.. joe with his ossacsional "taiko" shot.. and nick with his actzai ness.. and ME.. wit my mad handle I'M gonna make the shot cockyness.. hahaha.. MIss the days..

*Ahem..* two..
Being CPC sucks.. OKAY.. the only damn thing worse than being a CPC.. is being a CPC in GOLF WING.. for those who aren't familiar with the acronym..
CPC = cadet platoon commander

Right.. things starting to make sense now doesn't it.. yeah.. anyway.. I'm CPC.. for god knows how long.. a month..? 2..? sheesh.. now i'm responsible for 39 pples asses.. ( mine included..) NO rest for the weary.. and i gotta fuck the guys when they slack off.. and arrange the day to meet timings.. not to mention write reflections in the CPC book DAILY.. sheesh.. what do they care what i think anyway..

*cough* okay.. last but not least.. three..
This one's abit weird.. Being a cpc.. i see everything from an overview.. so.. i well saw some good things la.. amongst all the bad.. and i dunno.. i guess i could learn alot from some of the guys.. instead of looking at each day as a sufferfest.. i should be more positive.. its the only way i'll make it..

Nightmares crawling up your neck..
fear clutches ur fibres..
Your hands shoot to cover your face..
breathing on your shoulders..
Shadows shoot across the room..
entities of your dark desires..

Empty without you..

Its not supposed to be like this..
we were meant to be happy..
free.. living life without a care..
but the traffic flows against us..
keeping us apart..
and i'm trying so hard not to break and crumble..
there's no other way.. can't trip or stumble..

A bird in a cage i feel so constrained..
need to break out of these god damned chains ..
but there's no other way.. i have to stick it through..
every minute and second i'm thinking of you..





Your poison flows in my blood..
It burns my skin Running through my body..
won't somebody come and save me..
Loving venom that u gave me..

Give me a reason to believe..
my heart burns and i feel ill..
I might die if i lay still..

BookinG In..

I am.. well going to book in now..
and i'd thought i'd leave a post..
i'm feeling strangly down..
thought that i'd be used to book in's by now..
but well i dunno.. down down down..
had a great weekend.. i love u all..


Feels like i died for you..
Living this life anew..
Thru this life its fill..
If you keep still..
it goes on and on and on..

So i'm back home this week..
well till sunday.. then i gotta book in again..
so noticed i haven't posted in ages.. thought i would..
so ocs.. well.. still don't like the place much..
don't like the instructors.. the rules or anything..
personally.. i'm not totally comfortable with the pple either..
but as usual.. nothin i can do but put up with it..

Right.. so i shaln't brood over army.. = )
being at home today was.. weird..
the peace of mind is insane.. feels really good..
not having to run on a timetable..
getting to do what i wanna do insted of having to live up
to my instructors expectations all the time..
so many times i wonder if its really worth it..
everybody says.. "Oh.. OCS.. wow.."
They have no idea.. Golf Wing is just tough..
Looking at my platoon mates..
i see how much sweat and heart they put in..
and we've JUST got to pro term..
it makes me wonder.. pro term is meant to be touhger..
how am i gonna make it..? Honestly..
just gotta suck it up.. take what they give u..
right wrong.. good bad.. u just take it.. know what i mean..?

Haha.. i seems all i CAN talk about is army..
i apologise.. so i skated today.. haven't skated in ages..
watched the 411 skate vid just before going down..
so i was pretty psyched..
didn't land a k-grind todae as i intended to..
but i landed a sweet 5-0..
learnt fakie bigspin in a day..
some kick and heel flips..
almost got 1 noseslide..
basically had fun just crusing arnd..
goofing off with mike and sam..

Went to chinablack last night..
it was.. AHEm.. eventful.. grin..
had some drinks.. danced a lil..
met some old marist pals..
some girls.. haha..
but suprisingly i left real early..
anyway.. gonna go play sum guitar..
rock on everyone..