I was thinking about it today. About how it sounded almost too good to be true. I must say, I have nothing but respect and admiration for him. Its rare that I meet people who make me start questioning myself so such a deep level. Things like, "Do I put my needs ahead of others too often?", "Am I doing all I can to care for the ones I love?", "Have my prior conceptions that there is no place in this world for Mr Nice been wrong all along?". He is altruistic, selfless, an all-round nice guy and his name is Menghui.. Who knows, he might just be the chinese jesus.. :)


Its always interesting when someone is able to send your head reeling off course to self discovery. Me thinks there is alot to take away and ponder. Time to sit down with a beer and make some tweeks.

It must be hard, fuck, it must be so hard. When all you want to do is fall to the floor on your knees and break down. Cover your eyes and curse the world and what it stole from you. It must be hard. Faces walk past with tears uncontrollably streaming, eyes glazed over. With each passerby, I feel my heart being pulled further and further to the ground, all leading up to the point where we embrace and I feel your sorrow. As you sob into my shoulder, I try to find the words to say, but they don't mean nearly as much as simply silently letting you share your angst and pain. All the questions begin to flood in, the "Ifs-and-buts" and "what-ifs" and "if-onlys", till all you want, all you really want is for the ranting to stop. It must be hard, and I'm so sorry.

I gaze outward through the falling pitter patter of raindrops,
clear as day as they slide down my window pane. I always
thought that rain was the heavens way of giving the earth a
shower. So things can be clean and new, refreshed and nourished.
Its more than just great weather to sleep in to. Its upliftingly beautiful.

My word for the year, no, for the decade is "resolve". Along with my bunch of things like, being present to the things around me and earnestly intending for having things I want to have happen, happen. Just some of the things I do if you don't already know. Its a mental thing.. :)

The more and more I think about it, the more it grows on me. It's a strong word that invokes commitment, steadfastness and an almost unrivaled confidence. Saying it out loud in the manner, "I resolve to.....", it could be feed my monkey, or score straight A's, bake a pineapple upside-down cake, just conjures the personal commitment from oneself and puts it out there.

So there it is, a word I love to make me do the things I normally don't want to. :) Peace!

Memories memories bring me back as I mentally gnaw and slowly tear apart the imagery. What did I really expect from the encounter? A heartfelt reunion or a Korean drama sequence? Clear to see that fate has drawn the lines of our lives not to run together, and so it shall not. What am I looking to see? I suppose acknowledgment. Of a time and moment. And I can do without closure, but it would have been nice to talk.