???

Whats goin on..?
i keep askin myself..
See and find..
Seek but lost..

Answers don't come easy..
There's a price to pay..
Sometimes we don't know..
and its better off that way..

Open your eyes..
See whats not there..
Worlds fall apart..
the truth lies abare..

You think you know..
but you don't know shit..
You're living a dream..
one where u rule supreme..

Give in to temptation..
don't fight nature's way..
Cuz u will lose out..
somewhere someway sometime of day..


Whats that all about...? To be honest.. i'm just writing from the top of my head.. god knows its significance.. or whatever the hell it means.. i'm just writing from a place where... i'm tired.. a lil depressed.. sleepy.. a lil ticked.. yah.. well i dunno.. think its.. okay.. not great but okay.. So i lied about having a happier post today..

Feeling heart heavy.. don't know why.. had a good day too.. good ballin.. pool with frenx.. dinner with ken... chinablack tmr.. everything looks good.. Looks.. argh.. what the fuck shit is going on..

i'm outta here.. Nites``==``==``==``==``==``==``==``==!

Home..

good god i missed being home...
24km route march and pass out parade behind me..
i'm just.. SooO tired..
Body's achin all over.. can barely keep my eyes open..

i mean i'll miss bmt.. strangly enough..
the friends.. the fun\tough\rewarding training..
the tough stuff like field camp.. sit test.. soc..
and the easy stuff.. cleaning my rifle.. ippt.. gym sessions..

but the break is good.. i needed some space from my bunk mates..
was totally gonna snap at them today.. guess i was just tired..
Posting...? i wonder where i'll go..?
but serously too tired to ponder about that now..
gonna pump some songs into my new mp3 player..
listen to the muzik and knock off..
don't worry folks..
Will probably have a more "lively" post tomorrow...
Now if you don't mind..
i think i'll go pass out on my bed..
may the night bring pleasent dreams to all..

Hope you like the lyrics from..
"Yellowcard" Ocean Avenue.
"Ocean Avenue"

"There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away"

Last thing on my mind..

Sigh... okay.. yes.. this is the title of that lovey dovey
leann rimes and ronan keating song..
Don't gimmie that look.. i know.. i know..
What am i thinking..!? Well i DON'T know!
It just came to mind okay..
Anyway Thats pretty much how i'm feeling..
realli confused.. AS u can tell by now.. sigh..
i wanna.. shoulda.. coulda...
but i won't... sigh.. wondering if i'm actually scared..?
Right.. this must sound like a LOt of blabbing..
but its MY blog and i will BLAB Alllll i want..!
*Grin..*

Well that aside...
watched the whole of school 1 and 2 book out last night..
and i had to stay back to re-do my hand granade..
cuz i was sick the last time.. was pretty depressing to be honest..
seeing almost everyone leave.. but i got to book out at 3pm sat..
so it wasn't TOO bad... Pass Out Parade comin up soon..
strangly not too phsyced about it.. syspec here i come..
i think i can kiss my OCS place good bye..
but i'm not gonna complain.. can't change what i can't control..
*grin*..

Probably will stay over at zacks place tonight..
Do a lil drinking.. talking.. should be fun..
everything seems okay at home.. so basically..
everything seems pretty damn peaceful.. realli enjoying it..

Anyway.. shall end with lyrics from "100 years"..
its that five for fighting song.. if u haven't heard it..
u should.. haha..

'I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars '
Five For Fighting."100 years"

Pink..

Ugh~! Who'd thought it make me feel so uneasy.. haha
Need to get it out of my CHEAST~! *AHEM*...
" I ANDREW THAM NOW OWN A PINK SHIRT...!"
oh the humiliation.. hahaha..
but i'll admit.. it was a real kick..
thanks for the present 3na..
u didn't have to.. and lemmie STRESS.. DIDN'T..
hahax... anyway i booked out of camp at 10am~!
and i booked in last night at 9.45pm..
basically i booked in to sleep.. sigh..
the army is pretty unreasonable..
heard all my buddies had a super slack day..
realli envious.. while i was bored and sick alone at home..

2 more weeks and one stage of my army life will be over...
seems pretty fast now that i look back..
then again it always does.. jc.. secondary.. holidays..
when you turn your head.. time seems shorter..
8 weeks of torture.. mental beatings.. physical tests..
suddenly don't seem so tough... but it WAS~!
life just does that to you..
everything thats over LOOKS easy..
But finishing all of this..
only to move on to the next level...
sigh.. will it never end..
damn i'm tired of the system...
there's gotta be a beter way....

"If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away"
Yellowcard. Ocean Avenue

That was Sick..~

okay.. so the title's not about sumthin wicked cool..
i Am actualli sick.. which i find pretty freaky..
had sit test for the last 3 days..
had high fever since the first night..
Head was hot... cold chills.. all that..
but didn't wanna sound off... its not a "macho" thing..
its just tt i didn't wanna fall out..
unfortunatly i got more pride than brains.. so it seems..
got scolded by the doctor and my mom when i got back..
sheesh.. but they are right.. could seriously hurt my body..
so took my temp this morning and it was a whopping 38.6 degrees..
never had such a high fever before.. and went to the medical officer..
didn't want to but he sent my ass home on the afternoon boat..
feel like crap that i have to miss all the training..
i feel so tainetd.. guilty.. i WANNA do GAC.. SOC.. IPPt..
man.. never thought i'd hear myself say that..
right.. so got 7 different kinds of medication..

right.. so lemmie explain.. haven't posted in like.. 2 Weeks..?
reason.. no time.. com's down at home.. feelin realli disconnected..
had field cap.. sit test.. granade assault course and live range..
the last 2 weeks.. pretty tiring..

Been on a emotional roller coaster recently..
the kind where.. its fun.. and then you.. feel sick..
and barf.. and hen its fun again... and then u wanna barf again..
fun barf .. fun barf.. and well~.. no further explaination needed *grin*
u get the idea.. not very GuD... haha
fact of the matter is that i'm pretty much just groping in the dark..
damn i suck at this.. i'm like fuckin confused..
don't realli know what to do about it.. sheesh
I wish i was one of those cassanovas..
they always seem to know whats going on..
AND they always get the hot girls.. *grin*
anyway.. medicine is making me realli drowsy.. thus this crappy post..
to anyone who reads my rambling.. take care..
i'm gonna go home and pass out on my bed..
gonna leave you with some meaningful lyrics..
Or well.. just a nice song.. u decide..
So as usual.. here they are

"Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside"

Switchfoot. Meant to live