Pink..

Ugh~! Who'd thought it make me feel so uneasy.. haha
Need to get it out of my CHEAST~! *AHEM*...
" I ANDREW THAM NOW OWN A PINK SHIRT...!"
oh the humiliation.. hahaha..
but i'll admit.. it was a real kick..
thanks for the present 3na..
u didn't have to.. and lemmie STRESS.. DIDN'T..
hahax... anyway i booked out of camp at 10am~!
and i booked in last night at 9.45pm..
basically i booked in to sleep.. sigh..
the army is pretty unreasonable..
heard all my buddies had a super slack day..
realli envious.. while i was bored and sick alone at home..

2 more weeks and one stage of my army life will be over...
seems pretty fast now that i look back..
then again it always does.. jc.. secondary.. holidays..
when you turn your head.. time seems shorter..
8 weeks of torture.. mental beatings.. physical tests..
suddenly don't seem so tough... but it WAS~!
life just does that to you..
everything thats over LOOKS easy..
But finishing all of this..
only to move on to the next level...
sigh.. will it never end..
damn i'm tired of the system...
there's gotta be a beter way....

"If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away"
Yellowcard. Ocean Avenue

That was Sick..~

okay.. so the title's not about sumthin wicked cool..
i Am actualli sick.. which i find pretty freaky..
had sit test for the last 3 days..
had high fever since the first night..
Head was hot... cold chills.. all that..
but didn't wanna sound off... its not a "macho" thing..
its just tt i didn't wanna fall out..
unfortunatly i got more pride than brains.. so it seems..
got scolded by the doctor and my mom when i got back..
sheesh.. but they are right.. could seriously hurt my body..
so took my temp this morning and it was a whopping 38.6 degrees..
never had such a high fever before.. and went to the medical officer..
didn't want to but he sent my ass home on the afternoon boat..
feel like crap that i have to miss all the training..
i feel so tainetd.. guilty.. i WANNA do GAC.. SOC.. IPPt..
man.. never thought i'd hear myself say that..
right.. so got 7 different kinds of medication..

right.. so lemmie explain.. haven't posted in like.. 2 Weeks..?
reason.. no time.. com's down at home.. feelin realli disconnected..
had field cap.. sit test.. granade assault course and live range..
the last 2 weeks.. pretty tiring..

Been on a emotional roller coaster recently..
the kind where.. its fun.. and then you.. feel sick..
and barf.. and hen its fun again... and then u wanna barf again..
fun barf .. fun barf.. and well~.. no further explaination needed *grin*
u get the idea.. not very GuD... haha
fact of the matter is that i'm pretty much just groping in the dark..
damn i suck at this.. i'm like fuckin confused..
don't realli know what to do about it.. sheesh
I wish i was one of those cassanovas..
they always seem to know whats going on..
AND they always get the hot girls.. *grin*
anyway.. medicine is making me realli drowsy.. thus this crappy post..
to anyone who reads my rambling.. take care..
i'm gonna go home and pass out on my bed..
gonna leave you with some meaningful lyrics..
Or well.. just a nice song.. u decide..
So as usual.. here they are

"Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside"

Switchfoot. Meant to live

Where Do i Stand...?

Moved away from here.. but its like i never left..
Changed the way i live.. new name.. new place..
New faces.. New town.. but its all still the same..
I feel just like i'm home again.. Standing awkard in the crowd..

Where do i stand.. i keep asking myself..
and the truth of the matter is..
i don't know.. but don't get me wrong..
i'm neither at a destination nor lost..

Never been here before.. the paths looks so foreign..
i wish i did know what to do.. how 2 feel.. where to be..
but the game has changed.. so i lay down my cards..
cuz there is no game to play this time..
packing my backpack.. i'll choose a path to walk thats mine..

The light at the end of the tunnel, the finish line, my goal..
it cannot be reached by walking alone..
it cannot be played.. planned.. unfaithful or untrue..
that last leap for the end.. and i'll finally be with you..

The one chance i took not long ago.. memory still so clear..
we crushed it like paper in our hands.. the edges torn and sheared..
i wonder if u walked away.. forever giving up..
cuz i think i didn't.. picked up the pieces.. kept them in my heart..

So where do i stand..?
Only one thing's for sure.
Is that the answer is not clear..
But through the through and by the by...
u know that i'll be here..


definatly not one of my better poems.. fine..
i think its not good at all.. but it came from a weird place..
and i just needed to get out..
i'm just not made to write about love and self discovery i guess..
*grin*.. anyway..had a lil to drink last night..
head's feeling a lil hungover..
gonna get some coffee..

*hope u understand..

Head in the Clouds

Lemmie see.. How am i gonna go about this.. right..
sorry.. u gotta gimmie a second.. to think about what to write..
its weird.. whenever i book out mentally i just kinda take a break..
THUS the title.. its so surreal.. its like.. my brain is all foggy..
much like waking up after having Wayyy... too much to drink..
my brain laggs about 2 seconds now.. *grin*

right.. lets see.. wow.. as usual.. the week at camp was pretty
stressful... training was tough.. can't expect any less from my platoon..
watched a flick last night.. jersey girl.. Its... okay.. haha.. not too bad..
yar anyway hung arnd town and met up with ken tris and sam...
so this is the USUAL stuff...

then i went home.. put on my headphones.. lay down..
and put on my cds one by one..
getting "HIgh" on Slashes Guitar solos in their "greatest hits cd"
and kinda reaching a Dark state listening to the Dreamtheatre cd..
letting my brain drone on i felt so..... relaxed...
dozed off to the sounds of iron maiden pounding in my ear..
that aside..

Woke up today asking myself so many questions...
sometimes i realli hate myself for doing that..
i think too much.. but not in a smart kinda way...
questions like...

"I wonder if i've ever been a good boyfriend..."
or
"i wonder if i'm gonna get to ocs..."
and
"has the army changed me that much..."

there are others but i can't remember.. mostly relationship stuff..
and at the rate my brain's been working it'll take me forever..
haha..anyway i'm pretty confused.. tired.. all that...
its crazy... its like... 4.30.. its the most energetic time of the day..
i'm just planning on buying some snacks.. going home..
turning on the tele and chilling.. how sad is that... haha

right.. got field camp for the next 7 days..
SO not looking forward 2 it.. but i think i'll be fine..

so let me end with something from Guns' N Roses today..
From their "use your Illusion album"

Guns' N Roses, Don't Cry
"Talk to me softly
There is something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been there before
Somethin is changin' inside you
And don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight"

Oh Right.. took a weird personality quiz.. check it out

1. You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and
free.
2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you
feel irresistable is straight-forward, just tell you he/she
loves you.
3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is stylish.
4. You don't like it when your partner is insecure.
5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your
partner is one which make you feel warmth and in-love always.
6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything
wrong after marriage.
7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married,
you'll treasure it and your partner very much.
8. At this moment, you don't have the thirst for love, you can't do
anything for it, you won't fall for it easily.

Think its pretty accurate.. haha well SOME parts
c u pple in a week or so..

Birthday...

Birthdays... *Smile*..
friends.. laughs.. food.. good fun..
let me start of by thanking the guys..
tris.. sam and ken... for throwing me a pretty fun bash..

its weird.. i'm not like.. realli happy and all that..
but its just that feeling that.. yah
i feel appreciated.. and they went through this for me..

got to catch up with my pals..
ken.L, guao, tris, ken & sam..
got to drink a lil... shoot hoops.. skate...
hang out with the girls at chancery..
and i even escaped for some alone time..
just laid on the ground looked at the sky..
needed 2 get away from it all...
absolutly fantastic.. had a nice chat too..

sat down.. was thinking about...
army stuff.. my friends.. and my relationships...
its weird.. i'm so.. well.. zoned out about it now..
i feel like i'm just hanging around..
like a picture on the wall.. there but unnoticed..
i know it sounds realli well.. metaphorical..
but thats the best i could come up with..
an i DO feel that way..
maybe i let myself think about it too much..
for now i'll be a picture.. a nice one.. *grin*

thinking about... bookin in tmr...
have a crazy week coming up...
ippt on monday.. 4Km route march on tues..
soc on wed and thurs...*sigh*
i sure hope i can take it...
can't help but give all i got..

The hour grows late..
and i'm getting Weary..
( love it when i talk like this haha)
i need to rest up..
Pleasent dreams all..

*i wish u'd understand, i'm not sure how i feel right now.. i hate hurting pple i know.. i.. i wish i was the one..."