Hey.. okay maybe this is abit private.. but i gotta get it outta my cheast man.. after i got off the com my mom asked me about why i had the blog.. anyway she gave me a real heavy talk after...

she was like... "what are you gonna do in life..~ you worry me...~ u have no direction and ur not doing ANYTHIING about it.. u need to survive in this world and just not thinking about life is not gonna help.. u always just wanna be cool"

i answered with:"i just finished schooling... i DON'T wanna think about it yet... my brain is on holiday.. i wish i freakin knew but i DON'T know WHAT i wanna do AND i Don'T know.."

man my heart just sank... each and every word she said was right.. but at that point i just wanted to be left alone.. i needed a break.. is it so wrong to not know..? yes when i say i don't wanna think abt it i AM running away... i guess i just... don't wanna grow up.. i don't wanna have to carry my own ass.. sorry for being selfish... so i worked on this poem...

DIFFERENT
i'm different from the others,
in how and where and why.
these pple set the rules 4 me,
so many i could die.

your words come down so harsh on me,
sometimes i'd wish you let me be...

what happened to the good times,
when no one gave a damn..
but things have turned 180,
and now i need a friend.

all i wanted was to make you proud,
now all thats left inside is doubt..